Sooner or Later…

Mother in law is in the hospital and its not looking too good.

It all started on a trip back home to Illinois–the place where all her family but us are, the place she lived sixty years of her life.  It was a family celebration of her parents 65 years of marriage yet saving the big event for August.

Mil is a cancer survivor.  Her cancer was discovered about three years ago.  She did the gynie surgery, radiation, and a last big chemo blast.  That last big blast just about did her in.  My sturdy Italian mil shrank to a 90 pound weakling.  She lost the use of her legs, the feeling in her feet, and her hair.  She developed diabetes, neuropathy in her feet, and a child’s immune system.  I can’t say which bothered her worse, but I suspect it was the loss of her independence and her dignity.  She may have been a stay-at-home wife, but if you think she was under anyone’s thumb you would be badly mistaken.  I hear Italian mils are like that.

Over the past two years she has slowly regained her strength and her weight.  She finally reached the point where she could toddle around the house without her walker.  She could wash her own dishes and do her own laundry–dh’s too of course, but in this marriage household was her job and she liked it done her way.  Sometimes, I think it was the dingy whites that inspired her to work to walk more than anything else.

So when her feet & legs started swelling it seemed to be just another round in this old battle.  During the trip she had to go back to using her wheelchair and on the trip home a visit to the doctor seemed in order.  Nothing odd in that.  When you take 14 pills a day the doctor is a close acquaintance.

So the office diagnosed a UTI and gave her six days of antibiotics and “come back in two weeks.”  Polite words fail me.  Six days are for the new ‘blast your system drugs’ NOT an old antibiotic.  TWO WEEKS LATER for an infection in a diabetic!  When the two weeks were up she was worse.  When they tried for a urine sample she couldn’t do it–so the Dr. had her come the next day & then sent the sample off, and left her with instructions to come back in a week.  No medicines, no nothing.

We went to see for ourselves two days after that visit.  She was a dishrag.  Sleeping all day, losing the use of her arms, forgetful as if drugged.  Saturday fil had enough–she couldn’t even sit in her wheelchair–so off to the emergency room.

She has a massive UTI infection.  Her cancer is back.  She has lost the use of one kidney–from cancer or infection the doctors are not sure.  They tried to do an MRI but stopped in the middle as she just couldn’t tolerate the test.  The doctors did find other spots:  kidneys, lung, liver.  So did a biopsy yesterday.  She is on morphine.  The doctors were able to discuss their findings so far.  Right now she will take all the radiation they want, but no chemo.  That last blast you see.

DH has been there whenever he is not at work.  I went to visit yesterday.  She was in & out and mostly sensible.  Her time sense is off, but when sleeping so much it isn’t a surprise.  She even managed to joke a bit.  When I left she was sleeping after joking with those of us there.

Today DH called.  She has taken a turn for the worse it seems.  She is totally out of it.  Her blood pressure is high again.  She has a 102 degree fever.  Shouting brings little to no response.  She is having a CAT scan tonight.  DH will be home when he can.  Her brothers and sister are coming as soon as possible, one will be here tomorrow and the rest Friday.

It may seem odd for her parents not to come also.  Her dad is not doing so well himself and the family is worried this might be too much.  Old age has turned her mother into a shrew–which is putting it kindly.  All conversation must revolve around her and her little aches and pains.  She is all knowing and all wise.  But worse–Never have I seen anyone with such a sharp, vicious tongue & she is not afraid to use it.  No one is spared.  NO ONE.  If my mil wasn’t such a family oriented person she would have divorced her own mother years ago.

Our older children have all been told everything we know to tell them.  Our younger ones know that grandma has an infection and is in the hospital.  When does wait and see become the death watch?  Hope may spring eternal, but when should reality step in?  So much of life is spent waiting…

Bad news on the doorstep…I couldn’t take one more step.