Sooner or Later…

Mil passed away early this morning.

It wasn’t a slap in the face surprise, she hadn’t been eating for several days.  A body can’t live on a few pain pills.

But it was…unexpected.  Early this week she told my dh that she wasn’t ready to go but felt that she was.  When he asked ‘why?’ the answer was she felt cold all the time and not there.  He tried to get her to eat, to tell her she couldn’t live on a few bites of biscuit.  “I know.”

We had hoped that news of a coming great-grandchild might cause her to rally, to force herself to eat.  It wasn’t to be.

The oldest of her brothers wanted her force fed, but Fil would have none of that.  Her wishes all the way.  Sometimes love is hard.

So the first call was to our home.  Dh called his sister and left to be with his dad.  He expects to be the one making the calls to let family and eventually friends know the news. 

Outsiders to this part of the world comment that seeing names on a funeral home sign or hearing the obituaries on the radio is crude…somehow uncivilized, but how to tell everyone she might have known.  Is it kinder to have someone ask how a person is doing long weeks after the funeral?  An awkward pause indeed.

Mil had definite ideas about how her final services were to be done.  Not quite traditional–parts will be left out, but familiar.  There is a comfort in the familiar.  To know what to expect when emotions are running strong. 

The script could be improved.  Why is it that the world has Shakespeare, Frost, Hemmingway and countless other word masters but no one knows what to say.  It isn’t the resume practice that is most beneficial to life, but basic communication of life.  Not all of us need to write a research paper but all of us will say goodbye to friends & loved ones at some point in our life.  A mystery not on the ‘life’s greatest mysteries’ list.

So mil has gone on.  The last page to be written by friends and family.